The waiting

Some of the things that are waiting for their owner. Hat made by me. Socks I bought at a market. 

I was due to have my baby a couple of days ago, but he/she did not want to come that day. I have gone a few days over time, but it feels like I have gone a few years. Where is my baby? I am done now, I am ready to become a mother, I just need my baby to come. But he/she seems to like it in there, and every more minute I have to wait feels like eternity.

I talked with my mother on the phone today, and I told her that my home has never been cleaner then it is now. I do the dishes several times per day, as soon as there’s any dirty dishes, I am there! I’ve had several clear outs among my things, I’ve got boxes full of stuff which I shall get rid of. I have washed and put away all the baby clothes, and bought a box for the few toys we have. As soon as one place gets dirty, I am there, frantically cleaning it.  My school work is done, my friends are out of town (most of them at a festival in southern Sweden). So I do not have anything to do during the days, except wait. Even my dog is out of town, as he is having a vacation at my mother’s place. The rent is paid, all the bills too, I have everything I need, both for me, Adam, and the baby.

Everything is prepared. Ready. Done. My baby can come now, I want it to come. So desperately. I want to see what colour eyes it has, what colour hair. I want to count ten fingers and ten toes. I want to see it grow up, mature, develop a personality. I want to give it a cuddle, hug and kiss it. I want to be able to stop calling it “it” and start saying a name instead. We’ve got so many lovely names, I want to know which one fits this little miracle.

I have matured a lot during the months I’ve been pregnent. From being a frightened 21 year old, that went out partying a lot and had a really busy life style, to a more mature 22 year old, that knows that you don’t have to do everything now. It can actually wait a half year. Or even longer. I am a mature cheese now.

I am ready to become a mother now. But I do not have my baby in my arms. Will it ever come?



  1. I too am longing to meet this little miraculous new person who has so much love waiting to greet them. Your baby will surely come! afterwards I’m guessing you won’t be able to believe you once lived in a world without this person in it. A considerate baby, at least, to wait until the exams are done and anniversary celebrated. Hopefully the time won’t be much longer. The hat looks great, very cute indeed.

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