Gender, gender, gender. Why is that the question people really want to know the most, the gender of a person not born yet? Why is it not more important to ask if it is healthy, how it feels for me being pregnant and so on? The question about if the baby has a penis or vagina seems to be more important then everything else. It even mattered for me once.
I really wanted to know which gender the little sprog had in the beginning, as I was curious. Is it a boy, girl, what are we going to name it, dress it in, teach it? But we could not find out as the baby is lying behind the placenta and seems to be really good at hide and seek already, and I felt a little sad about this, but then I started to think, why am I sad that I don’t know which sex my little sprog has?
The realisation came in week 20, where I once more got asked the question which gender. I was thinking entirely wrong! Is it not more important that the sprog is alive and well? That it doesn’t matter what we name it (except naming it awkward names like Liquorice, but that is another matter). It doesn’t matter what clothes we dress it in, as long both Adam and I like them and it keeps the little one warm. And teaching it, that is something that life itself will do. I do not have to worry about that. I gained quite a lot of maturity that moment and during these weeks afterwards. I realised that it is a baby first and foremost, with it’s own personality and independence.
In Swedish we have a word, “hen” which is a gender neutral word you can use about a person. I am not sure if I like the particular word itself, but the idea behind it is great, as a baby is just a baby. My baby is just my baby. It will have a long life time of being placed into certain groups of society, getting certain labels. I’m not going to do my baby any favours by categorizing it myself.
To the question whether it is a boy or girl, I have not yet answered anything else than “I don’t know”. But I do hope, one day that I can work up enough courage to say:
I don’t know what gender my little sprog has, if it is a boy or girl, and to be honest I do not care. My baby is a “hen”.