I was due to have my baby a couple of days ago, but he/she did not want to come that day. I have gone a few days over time, but it feels like I have gone a few years. Where is my baby? I am done now, I am ready to become a mother, I just need my baby to come. But he/she seems to like it in there, and every more minute I have to wait feels like eternity.
I talked with my mother on the phone today, and I told her that my home has never been cleaner then it is now. I do the dishes several times per day, as soon as there’s any dirty dishes, I am there! I’ve had several clear outs among my things, I’ve got boxes full of stuff which I shall get rid of. I have washed and put away all the baby clothes, and bought a box for the few toys we have. As soon as one place gets dirty, I am there, frantically cleaning it. My school work is done, my friends are out of town (most of them at a festival in southern Sweden). So I do not have anything to do during the days, except wait. Even my dog is out of town, as he is having a vacation at my mother’s place. The rent is paid, all the bills too, I have everything I need, both for me, Adam, and the baby.
Everything is prepared. Ready. Done. My baby can come now, I want it to come. So desperately. I want to see what colour eyes it has, what colour hair. I want to count ten fingers and ten toes. I want to see it grow up, mature, develop a personality. I want to give it a cuddle, hug and kiss it. I want to be able to stop calling it “it” and start saying a name instead. We’ve got so many lovely names, I want to know which one fits this little miracle.
I have matured a lot during the months I’ve been pregnent. From being a frightened 21 year old, that went out partying a lot and had a really busy life style, to a more mature 22 year old, that knows that you don’t have to do everything now. It can actually wait a half year. Or even longer. I am a mature cheese now.
I am ready to become a mother now. But I do not have my baby in my arms. Will it ever come?