I got a son

Hey all!

Gosh you’ve all probably wondered whats happened to me as I have been absent for a week. But the on the 19th of june, after a few days in labour my baby was born! It was a lot of complications during the labour, and it all ended with an emergency ceasarian section. I missed the first 5 hours of my sons life though as they had to put me to sleep, as I did not respond to the epidural at all. Adam did a great job though and took care of him and late on the evening the 19th I could for the first time see and hold this tiny life form (or maybe not tiny, he did weigh nearly 5 kilos. Good work for a women which is not taller then 160 centimeters) that have grown inside me. My heart got stolen that second.

As I had a emergency ceasarian section I have not been let out of the hospital until now. I am still in tremendeous pain, but seeing my little son was worth it all.

Deniz early birthday celebration

Yesterday after my mother left, Adam and I went to the local resturant Munken. Waiting there was Deniz, Kristin (two classmates of mine) and some of their friends. It was time for Deniz early birthday celebration here in Norrköping as she are going to work in Stockholm the rest of the summer. The company of good friends and great conversation really helped me take my mind of things.

We sat hidden in a corner of the resturant, and talked a lot about politics and what we are going to do during the summer. I was thinking of introducing the people I met there. But be patient with me, I suck at names. Here in the picture are a few of Deniz friends. From left to right, the dark haired guy are from Morocco and did not speak any swedish but were friendly still. Number two is a lecturer about migration politics, and he had many interesting things to say. Third guy I never talked to as he sat the furthest away from me.

Vänsterns Studentsförbunds President to the left, Elin and Deniz boyfriend Aron.

And of course, Adam.

Birthday girl herself! Will be sad not to see her the rest of the summer.

And the fantastic back of her dress. It looked really great.

Lots of chatting went on, and I fiddled quite a lot with my camera, trying how to learn take pictures in the dark. Do not go well I think. I maybe need a new camera, as mine only works good in daylight. Oh well, the evening went on, but I did not stay that long thanks to back pains, but I did finish the cake we got.

Forest berry cake with vanilla sauce. And that was my short visit on Deniz evening.

My baby is heavy

Went to the midwife today and they made weight estimation of our baby, and apparently it is a big 4 kilo sproglet that I am expecting. But I am going to try to have a natural labour, and no matter what I am a parent at latest next week. But 4 kilos, oh my!

My mother came around to be some support

I am utterly nervous for our baby, and they think I maybe need to do a ceasarian section (they will check that today), you can understand that I have not been blogging a lot. My dear sweet mother though came by to be some support for me two days ago, and we talked about things that maybe will happen, or maybe not. Had a nice dinner, ate ice cream in the sunshine and took my brothers to the playground. It really helped to make me feel better.  She went home now, but she will come back, she said. I am so thankful for her and having her as a mother.

The Beauty Ideal

I know she is photoshopped, I know, I know…But still I want to look like that!

A few weeks ago I was at the opening of an exhibition called “Smal” (Skinny) and I got quite moved by it. The exhibition was about how young people become affected by the image of beauty which is being given out by the media and other organisations like that. The ideal of everyone being tall, sunburnt and skinny. The most sickest thing about is that being tall and skinny is mainly genetic, and can not be reached with diets, or exercises or self starvation. You just become sick and unhealthy. A tall and skinny ideal is sick, because it is a body type, and it exists more then one body type in the world. Some people are tall and skinny, some are short and skinny, some are a little chubby and tall or chubby or short, or whatever. Everyone is different in one way or another, everyone is unique. What I want to say  is, do not try to be something you’re not. It will just make you more unhappy and ruin your life.

Instead, appreciate what you are and what you’ve got.

Harmony

My mother’s cat Smulan

I have finally started to calm down after being sad that I am going over the time with my baby. I had made my mind prepared it was going to be born end of May/early June, and when the baby did not arrive, well it made feel quite depressed. But now things are going better. I get a lot of support from my surroundings, everyone says that this is just natural which I am thankful for. Especially my mother and aunt have been great help. But the best help of all has been Smulan. My mother’s cat that lives with us. She had two litters, but only one of her kittens turned out healthy and well. After the second litter she got castrated, because it was not good for her to get kittens. The thoughts of her having such a hard time with her kittens, makes me glad that my baby are only a little late, waiting to be born. I feel more harmonic in me, and that is what is important. Harmony at home, and harmony in me.

The waiting

Some of the things that are waiting for their owner. Hat made by me. Socks I bought at a market. 

I was due to have my baby a couple of days ago, but he/she did not want to come that day. I have gone a few days over time, but it feels like I have gone a few years. Where is my baby? I am done now, I am ready to become a mother, I just need my baby to come. But he/she seems to like it in there, and every more minute I have to wait feels like eternity.

I talked with my mother on the phone today, and I told her that my home has never been cleaner then it is now. I do the dishes several times per day, as soon as there’s any dirty dishes, I am there! I’ve had several clear outs among my things, I’ve got boxes full of stuff which I shall get rid of. I have washed and put away all the baby clothes, and bought a box for the few toys we have. As soon as one place gets dirty, I am there, frantically cleaning it.  My school work is done, my friends are out of town (most of them at a festival in southern Sweden). So I do not have anything to do during the days, except wait. Even my dog is out of town, as he is having a vacation at my mother’s place. The rent is paid, all the bills too, I have everything I need, both for me, Adam, and the baby.

Everything is prepared. Ready. Done. My baby can come now, I want it to come. So desperately. I want to see what colour eyes it has, what colour hair. I want to count ten fingers and ten toes. I want to see it grow up, mature, develop a personality. I want to give it a cuddle, hug and kiss it. I want to be able to stop calling it “it” and start saying a name instead. We’ve got so many lovely names, I want to know which one fits this little miracle.

I have matured a lot during the months I’ve been pregnent. From being a frightened 21 year old, that went out partying a lot and had a really busy life style, to a more mature 22 year old, that knows that you don’t have to do everything now. It can actually wait a half year. Or even longer. I am a mature cheese now.

I am ready to become a mother now. But I do not have my baby in my arms. Will it ever come?

Our first anniversery

Today is Adam’s and mine first annivesery and I could not be more happy. We’ve actually lasted a year, with culture clashes, moody pregnant symptoms (like crying because Bambi’s mother died, and I had not even seen the movie) and trouble with goverments so that Adam actually could stay in Sweden. But he can now. YEY! If that is not love, then I don’t know what is. This has been the best year in my life, and I hope we will have many others to come. Adam, as you certainly will read this, I love you.

6th of June – Emelie’s Birthday

Hey all!

Oki, I’ve got so many things that I want to blog about at the moment, so unless I go into labour, you will get a fair few blog posts. I have already written about my dear Gaudi Lamp (I am in looooooove) and here comes the next thing, Emelie’s birthday.

Adam and I took the train to Eskilstuna early in the morning, and we arrived in Eskilstuna around midday. As Emelie was busy at hairdresser, I showed Adam around a little first, as he never been there, and pointed out places where I have lived and told him some of my memories of the places there. It was quite enjoyable. Then we went to Emelie’s and there we had a great time together, talking with the people arriving, sampling the cakes (in Adam’s case, he has a sweet tooth) and sang happy birthdays songs. Everything was lovely, with one exception.

 I’ve got to say that this one thing made me quite annoyed (the exception I just mentioned) and it was the fact that Emelie’s boyfriend wrote “tant” (which basically means old lady) on her birthday cake. I thought that was going too far writing on a birthday cake, and I would myself be furious. I do not know how Emelie took it though, but I can just hope she did not get hurt.

But enough talk about my annoyance, here are some nice photos from the day.

The birthday girl herself, in my old dress from my closet clear out. I do not even know why I had that dress, as it suits her alot better.

Adam attacking the cakes. (Or as he says, removing the cakes so other people would not get tempted).

Alex, Ida, Loke and unknown in the corner.

After the party was over, Adam and I went to see my brother Leo before the train arrived and I showed Adam the rest of Eskilstuna. And that was my 6th of June.

The Gaudi Lamp

Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh. Yesterday I recieved my new lamp which I won when the blog Husligheter arranged a great give away. The lamp I am talking about is the Gaudi Lamp (a tribute to the great architect Gaudi) from the company’s Cult Designs Homage series. When I saw the lovely organic shape I knew I had to have it, and I was really happy when I turned out to be one of the lucky winners. Now it sits next to my beloved vase from Lagerhaus and my collection of stones and shells in the window.

The architect Gaudi is considered to be one of Spain’s greatest of all time, and he is most famous for his master piece, the unfinished church the Sagrada Familia. My little lamp however is inspired by La Pedrera, another of his famous buildings. I dream that I will one day see both these places in real life, as the organic shape of his works are truely inspirational.  Here is a photo of the original building. Is it not beautiful and quite unique?

Click on image to come to source

 I imagine that my little piece of Gaudi tribute will show the way home with it’s warm glow when I or my family are away.